It has been bothering me for months now about how this breakup has wreaked havoc on my emotions. As someone who studied neuroscience for half a year, it is painfully evident now: my brain chemistry has changed.

I lived on an island off the coast of Maine for a winter by myself. I once went 5 years without dating. Solitude and having a strong sense of self were my natural state for quite a long part of my adult life.

And then I got into a strong, healthy, fun, and ludicrously happy relationship for years, and we built a home together. And that is all gone. While she jumped into something new almost immediately and stayed in our home, I am still out here in the wilderness, alone, with no way to rebuild yet. And there is a gigantic void in my life where she existed that I can only view with profound sadness and pain. My brain is having an exceptionally hard time adjusting to this new reality.